Becoming

It's been kind of a rough year so far.

There are a lot of things that have contributed to that, but a big part is my horse's ongoing soundness issues. Last week I thought we had finally cut out the last of the abcess, only to have him limp out of his stall again yesterday. I cut out some more false sole, and I'm crossing my fingers that his foot just needs time to regrow healthy sole and frog and for the inflammation to reduce. It's hard not to be discouraged though, going on six months of treating and praying, and not being able to ride. Riding and working with horses has always been the most effective way for me to treat my mental health issues, so this makes for a rough year.

As the weather is getting nicer, my mood is always elevated though. I've got other things to help keep my busy, with my garden and my dogs and helping Colleen get ready for her upcoming wedding. It gives me just enough clarity to allow for some introspection about the person that I want to be.

I want to be the kind of person who makes healthy choices, not because of guilt, but because it makes me feel good. I used to be this way, and slipped over the winter. Work having me sitting in McDonalds for hours every day wasn't helpful in the idea of eating real food. Oh MSG, you are aso deliciously addictive. Hopefully with the warm weather, work will be taking me outside far more often and I'll start craving natural, healthy foods again.

I want to be the kind of person who doesn't miss a workout.

I want to be the kind of person who calls friends for no reason other than to talk.

I want to be the kind of person who nurtures friendships. I don't know how to do this, but it has to be a skill that I can learn.

I want to be the kind of person who puts pursuits that they enjoy before wasting time on things that don't fulfill me. So, more time reading, crocheting, writing, and playing with the critters, less time on facebook and watching TV.

I want to be the kind of person who lives the gospel and inspires other through example.

I want to be the kind of person who takes control of my living space, making it a haven rather than a source of stress. That means finding cleaning routines that work for me so that I don't have a panic attack about the amount of dog hair creating dust-hippos in the corners. It also means finding ways to decorate this space and turn it into our home rather than the place that we're living for now.

I want to be the kind of person who laughs daily.